5 Things your Husband wishes He could tell you

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Top things Husbands want in marriage

5 Things your Husband wishes He could tell you

Top things Husbands wish their wives knew

My husband and I dated for 4 ½ years before we walked down the aisle. So basically, we thought we had each other pretty well figured out. And this marriage thing? We’d obviously have it down pat. Then, one rainy afternoon in May we said ‘I Do,’ and we realized how little we actually knew about each other. No, there were no deep dark secrets or crazy skeletons hiding in our closets, sorry to disappoint. But the little thing that we discovered on a whole new level once we were married…

We are different.

Shock. Gasp.

We were raised differently. He grew up with all boys and non-stop ESPN (ie my Mother-in-law is a saint) and I grew up with all girls, lots of shopping and a constant stream of Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals. (ie my Father is a saint)

The first few months into our marriage, we did our best to love each other and to play house, but we didn’t know what the heck we were doing. Some of our ‘serious disagreements’ are hysterical to look back on now. I mean, did you know that there is a right and a wrong way to fold towels? Chris didn’t either. Poor man, because one random Thursday his wife deemed it a necessary hill to die on.

Over the years we’ve learned a lot. We put to bed some of our ridiculousness. We learned how to humble ourselves and We started educating ourselves about the opposite sex. The results? Staggering, you ready for this?…We got better 😉 We became better spouses, better at understanding each others wiring and better at extending grace. Perfect? Not on your life. Not until pigs fly and they actually invent a cellulite cream that works. But determined to keep improving at how we love each other? You better believe it.

We’ve read a lot, listened to a lot, and even created our own relationship resource in the process called, “The Pursuit of Love.” You can check that out here.

Today friend, I’m bringing you a little collaboration. That’s right, I brought in the big guns 😉 because I knew you’d benefit from a man’s perspective. So all my ladies in the house, straight from my man himself, here are 5 things your husband wants you to know:

1. He Wants to be Your Hero

When you and your husband were first dating you had a huge level of respect for him.  You couldn’t help but look at him with that twinkle in your eye because you believed in him so much!  You knew he could do anything he put his mind to.  Truth be told, you believed in him more than he believed in himself. Your confidence in him empowered him to be things he never thought that he could be and do things he never thought he could do.

 Then you married him.

And over time you may have lost some of that belief because you’ve seen his flaws.  It’s much easier to nag him into doing things now instead of believing that he’s still your superman.  BUT, if you start believing in him again and looking at him like a superhero, watch out-he might actually become one.

What your husband wishes he could tell you

2. He Wants to be Respected

A man can spend his whole day at work “putting out fires,” fixing problems and solving issues.  Some men go to work everyday and what they’re doing is literally changing the world.  At work, they’re admired and at work, they’re respected.  Then many times they walk in the door of their home and are treated like morons.

 I get it, wives work really hard all day long; running their homes and many times outside jobs in an exceptionally organized manor.  And because you work so hard and perhaps he doesn’t do as much around the house, you may feel the right to treat him like an idiot.  Your frustration can cause you to make fun of him both in private and in public. And that lack of respect only pushes your husband further and further away.

 Ladies, If you want that husband of yours to crave spending time with you, if you want to be swept off your feet again and treated like the princess that you are, then stop beating him down with disrespect.  Treat him with admiration; take care of his needs before your own, go out of your way to do little things for him. Pack him lunch; take care of him.  When he walks through the door, let him rest and catch his breath for a minute before you throw the kids and a whole list of things to do at him.  

If you make your home a safe haven of love and respect, then he will not only be excited to come home and spend time with you and the family, but he will have the strength to treat you the way you’re longing to be treated.

How to show respect to your husband

3. He Wants to Have Fun with You

Most married couples stop having fun together at some point and just start “putting the time in” together.  Guys will take their wives shopping, or do other things they know their wives enjoy in an effort to make them happy.  Men can easily fall into the trap of having fun with other guys and just “putting the time in” with their wives.  The truth is most guys want to have fun with their wives.  They want to do fun things together!  They want to laugh with you until their stomach hurts and they want to get really excited about spending time with you.  Because opposites attract more often than not, many husbands and wives are not into the same things. Yet, it is still really important to have fun hobbies you both look forward to together.

Mine and my wife’s interests couldn’t be more opposite.  She loves shopping and musicals and vegetables and I like golf and football and chicken wings.  We honestly have to work really hard to find things that we have fun doing together.  But over the years, we’ve at least found a few. 😉

For us, it’s exploring new downtown areas, finding restaurants that are unique with a different atmosphere, touring model homes and watching movies together.

I suggest sitting down and planning some dates out together.  Ask each other, “What do you have the most fun doing in life? What do you really look forward to and enjoy and how can we do more fun things together?”

What your Husband wishes he could tell you

4. He Wants You to Want Him

Just like women can feel like guys are “just putting the time in” on dates, guys can feel like women are “just putting the time in” when it comes to sex.  Ladies, you know how you can go out on a date with your man and still not feel connected to him? It seems like his mind was a million miles away. In that same way, guys feel like your mind can be a million miles away during sex.  Most guys, they’re not interested in just having sex, they’re interested in sexual fulfillment.

 There is a big difference.

Sexual fulfillment happens when men feel wanted sexually by their wife.  Men want to feel like they are satisfying their wife in this area. They want you to look forward to sex, and know that you’re engaged and enjoying the experience as much as they are.  When a man feels like your mind is a million miles away and you’re not interested in sex, over time he will become defeated, disinterested and stop pursuing you in other areas of romance.  That’s a very dangerous road to go down.

Ladies, we know you have so much on your mind, but we need you to make an effort. Do what you can to make your man feel like you want him in the bedroom.  It’s vital that we feel loved and desired by you in this way.

He wants you to want Him-NoSmallLife

5. He Wants You to know You’re His Top Priority

Guys are not that best at loving their wives in the way that their wives need to be loved.  That’s not an excuse it’s just true.  I feel like my wife loves me so much better than I love her.  But that motivates me to get better.  We want you to know that our wives and family are our top priority.  We’re constantly thinking about you and trying to be better for you. The problem is, we don’t always say it.

 A lot of times we’ll show it by doing things for you and for the family.  I know that’s not what women need, but I do believe that it is important for women to encourage their husbands when they see them making an effort to do something nice, or to be romantic.

 If a guy puts forth the effort, but you reject it or point out the flaw in it, eventually he will stop trying because he will think he can’t win.  Men are wired so differently than women, but the truth is: they want to provide for you, they want to give you security, they want to be the leader and hero of the family and they want you to admire them.  They are thinking of ways to love you but don’t always do the best job at communicating it.

 I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my wife from across a room and said, “Man, that girl is beautiful!” but that thought doesn’t make its way to my lips and I never communicate it to her.  There are so many times that I see my wife doing something that I am so impressed with and I think the world of her, but I never verbalize it and she may never know that I think it.  Not making excuses, just being honest.

So please know, even when he doesn’t communicate it, he is usually thinking about you.  And If he does say something to you, make a big deal about him verbalizing what he is thinking.  We like admiration. See #1 & #2 😉

Priorites in Marriage

In short, In the majority of healthy marriages, your husband wants you to know that you’re loved with all of their heart.  When they look at you, they still see that girl they fell in love with.

It is not too late to rediscover love and passion in your marriage!  They great thing is, you can take steps towards each other beginning right now.

Until next time,

Chris… & Meg 🙂


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Comments (27)

  • Marie Reply

    It is so true that you can date for many years and get a little “know-it-all” in your relationship. Then you get married and realize you’re not quite the experts you thought you were. These are fantastic points to help strengthen any marriage. Thanks for sharing them with us at Merry Monday!

    October 25, 2016 at 1:58 am
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Oh man, that is so true! Thanks for your encouragement Marie! Always love when you stop by! 🙂

      November 4, 2016 at 1:32 am
  • Casey Capra Reply

    I almost didn’t read this because I’m so tired of hearing married advice that just causes me to build unrealistic expectations about myself or my husband. But this was actually really convicting (in a good way!) and motivating. My husband just started a full time job, and it’s put a lot of housework on my shoulders that I was used to him helping with. It’s hard not to feel like this work is overlooked just because he’s not saying anything. So I absolutely appreciate #5 on this list, because that’s something that’s been difficult for me to understand about my husband (especially since I say everything on my mind, lol!)

    Thanks so much for sharing this!!!!

    October 25, 2016 at 4:13 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Thank you for your honesty Casey, we’re so glad you had the courage to keep reading 🙂 Navigating new seasons is always tricky, keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and keep communicating through all the new changes. You two can totally handle what comes your way when you commit to doing it together. We’re so glad you stopped by!

      November 4, 2016 at 1:37 am
  • Sarah Koontz Reply

    Such great advice! Thanks for giving us a dash of perspective from the other side 😉

    October 26, 2016 at 1:51 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      “The other side!” lol love it, thanks Sarah!

      November 4, 2016 at 1:38 am
  • Meena@ AnchoredinSweets Reply

    Great post!!!!

    I want to know the inside of the man brain. haha!

    October 28, 2016 at 3:53 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      🙂 It can be very eye opening to all us girls

      November 8, 2016 at 7:27 pm
  • Yvonne Chase Reply

    Great post. I’ll be sure to remember all of it when I get married. The one that really stood out to me is the point about respect. If I don’t know anything else, I know how much a man needs and wants to be respected by his woman.

    October 29, 2016 at 12:40 am
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Thanks so much Yvonne! Just knowing that one thing, you are way ahead of the game 😉

      November 13, 2016 at 11:30 pm
  • Lori Schumaker Reply

    What a fabulous list! Thanks so much for sharing this at #MomentsofHope!
    Blessings and smiles,

    October 30, 2016 at 7:29 am
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Thanks Lori! I just love when you stop by 🙂

      November 13, 2016 at 11:31 pm
  • Catherine Radley Reply

    This is so beautiful. I think it’s important to remember your husband does need attention – sometimes even more than a child!My husband wants me to think he’s beautiful and sexy all the time, but sometimes I am so exhausted with everything else in life that I forget to tell him. I think it’s the most important one! Similarly, I know my husband always wants me to know he thinks that I am beautiful, regardless of my mum-tum, and my stretch marks, and my wobbly things, and my cellulite. #FridayFrivolity,

    October 30, 2016 at 8:47 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      It’s so true Catherine, they don’t see our “flaws” they way we do. It’s so easy to get distracted from each other in the busyness of life, just that fact that you’re aware of this, already gives you an advantage 😉

      November 13, 2016 at 11:33 pm
  • Roseann Hampton Reply

    Agreed – a great marriage takes work!

    October 30, 2016 at 9:24 pm
  • Nancy Andres Reply

    Saw this at the Turn it Up Tues. Blog Party. Thanks Chris and Megan for sharing it. If you get a chance, please see my post #280 at that blog hop. Easy Strategies to Use Colors to Draw Gratitude into Your Life. Nancy Andres @ http://www.colors4health.com

    November 1, 2016 at 9:16 pm
  • Mackenzie Carol Reply

    These are such wonderful thoughts! I’m not married yet, but I know that someday when I am, I will definitely put this into practice! Thanks for sharing at the Grace + Lace Linkup!

    November 2, 2016 at 8:48 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Thank you Mackenzie, that means so much to us!

      November 8, 2016 at 7:56 pm
  • Debra @ Bowl Me Over Reply

    Great read, tips and reminder – so true! Found you over on the Let’s Get Real link party and definitely wanted to read your blog, thank you for sharing!

    November 6, 2016 at 10:26 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      Thank you so much Debra! We’re so glad you stopped by!

      November 13, 2016 at 11:05 pm
  • Michele Morin Reply

    I have seen the truth of your words in 26 years with my good husband. He’s very patient and understanding when I lose sight of all these points, but, by grace, I persevere because I see the truth of it.

    November 10, 2016 at 1:35 pm
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      26 years! Congratulations Michele! That’s a beautiful rarity in this day and age

      November 13, 2016 at 11:04 pm
  • Teresa Reply

    I know every word of this is true; I’ve learned it through the years, but sometimes I start forgetting to live it. Like now. Thank you so much for the reminders I needed to hear.

    November 14, 2016 at 2:57 am
    • Chris & Megan Reply

      We’ve all fallen into that Teresa! So glad it served as a reminder today 🙂

      November 18, 2016 at 10:12 pm
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